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I looked way back on my journal, from when I was about 18 or 19 and wow I was an ANGRY person. I knew I had a temper back then, but I never realized every sentence that came out of my mouth was offensive and negative. I am so glad I changed. I'm definitely not that person anymore. I guess I was going through a lot though, but still, it is somewhat embarrassing how childish I was. But then again, the teenage years are so dramatic.
Nothing is really new right now though. It has been two months since Jim has been deployed. I have been up and down with that. I'm mostly optimistic about it, but then there are some days where I just miss him so much and wish he was here with me so I wind up sad for a bit. He is a great guy though. He makes sure I am okay and he writes me emails and calls me at any chance he gets. That means a lot to me, it would be so hard without that. I sent him his package and he received it the other day. He kind of made fun of me for sending him so much soap lol. I have never met any man or person for that matter like him.
Anyway, I'm still at Banfield. It's still going good and I still love it. I know I get stressed at times and get rubbed the wrong way sometimes, but the good outweighs the bad.
I plan on signing up for two classes or so in the following semester. I have taken about two, almost three years off of school. I know I could have already been finished with school, but in the past my head wasn't on straight enough to concentrate and care about my future. I did poorly and I really wasted my time. Now that all that is out of the way, I am ready to go to school and dedicate myself. I still don't know what I want to do in life, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. In the mean time, I will do the basics.
As the date gets closer and closer I keep thinking about leaving Florida and how it's going to be. I'm moving to Arizona when Jim gets back from Iraq, which will be in June or July. I'm really going to miss this place. All the memories growing up here are going to make it hard to leave, not to mention the fact of leaving my family and my friends. It's a bit nerve-wrecking, but I'm also looking at is as an adventure. I know I am going to be happy as hell when I'm with Jim. I also know though that getting on the plane is going to be extremely hard for me. Especially when I anticipate my mom being the one dropping us off at the airport. She is going to cry, which is going to make me cry. But the world is not going to end, and I will still be able to talk to everyone here, and I will visit too. You better visit me too lol.
I need to find another inexpensive hobby. I get bored when I'm not working so I need to fill my time and keep my mind busy as well as my hands before I go crazy.
That's it for now. I hope y'all are doing well.
Current Mood:  thoughtful |
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Hmm, So a lot has gone on since my last post.
I now have a boyfriend. He is wonderful. Currently he is deployed though in Kuwait, then Iraq in a week or so. For nine months.
When he gets back he will come down to me for about a month then I am going to move to Arizona with him. My life is going to change so much. I have never moved out of Florida. I have visited other states, but not moved. This is crazy, I know some may think. But I never felt this way about anyone. It feels right. I'm excited for the change. And I'm also excited for the beautiful night skies in AZ. Jim makes me happy though and we both owe it to each other to be together.
Um, what else? I'm ADPN at work. That's cool.
Nothing much else. Life is calm and humble :)
I can't wait until Jim gets back.
Cheers everyone.
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Shit
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Nov. 13th, 2008 @ 12:14 am
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Damn it. He said he likes me. He's leaving in a few months though. Damn it. lol. WHY! |
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Oct. 28th, 2008 @ 10:18 pm
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R.I.P. Lucas Mejia. You will never be forgotten |
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whew
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Sep. 15th, 2008 @ 11:21 am
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I just did a reading on myself because I was in doubt about some things that have been happening in my life lately.. It turns out what I was thinking in the back of my mind, and all my negative thoughts were inaccurate and I was worrying over nothing. It is a habit I have to create problems that don't exist. Just to make sure, I did the reading three times and they all pretty much said the same thing. Even if things don't go how I want with my current situation, the cards showed me to keep my head up high and my spirits uplifted, not to fall into my thoughts.
I feel so much better and rejuvenated. It's amazing how quickly my train of thought can be changed, lol.
Current Mood:  hopeful Current Music: Flogging Molly *Drunken Lullabies* |
| » What a summer |
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I can't believe I'm still up....
There's nothing really new. My life is the same, Work and chill.
This summer has been very eventful, which is not always a good thing,
- moving out
- stressing out about change, because i hate it
- had some good times out with friends at some bars
- hung out with the people that matter
- A friend being diagnosed with a seriously heavy illness
- seeing that friend being so courageous and unselfish with his illness. It still amazes me.
- A friend's brother's death
- A step-grandmother's death
- Doing great things at work
- Maintaining friendships that will never be forgotten
- Seeing awesome things at work
- Building muscles due to wrastling animals at work (No animals were harmed in these events. I've got most of the bumps and bruises and scratches, lol.
So it was great yet, sad. But as is life.
Spiritually this summer has brought me closer with my abilities and closer to my goddess.
This is just random thought tonight for some reason. I guess it had to be documented in a great memory.
Aug. 23rd, 2008 @ 02:09 am
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| » Strange Days |
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Strange occurrence I thought I should post. Mostly just to note it.
Lately I have been having a language barrier. Sometimes when I write or speak I act like I'm from another country. My sentences and grammar won't make sense. And I will place my sentences kind of backwards. It's been happening a little bit more lately, which is strange to me since I've always been excellent with my grammar.
Jul. 20th, 2008 @ 08:12 pm
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| » hmmm |
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I went out a few minutes ago and I look up at the sky and see the moon. It has an orange ring around it. I don't know what to make of it.
Anyway, things have been progressing well in the new situation. My sleeping schedule is off though. Lately I have been having to go into work early (for me) and it's been a struggle since I stay up until the wee hours of the night. Every time I hear that alarm clock it is followed shortly by a grunt or a curse word. lol.
And I swear I have more bruises on me now than I have had in my whole life. I guess due to the lack of sleep I have been extra clumsy. Oh well, I'll fall back into my regular pattern shortly.
Anything else....? Hmm, no, not that I can think of.
Jul. 13th, 2008 @ 09:58 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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It's been a while since I've been here, huh?
Things have changed a great bunch. I am now officially moved out of Eric's place. I was a little sad for a while just about the fact that I hate change so much. But like someone told me change is inevitable. I'm doing pretty well now. I have been adjusting and it's not as bad as I thought it would be.
Let's see. What else? Now that I live in Lake Worth I am closer to Jen. That's a plus.
I'm searching for things to talk about, but right now my mind is blank. Maybe because I went to bed at 4:30 am and was awoken too early...lol.
OH well, if I think of anything I can always stop by and write more.
Jul. 10th, 2008 @ 12:27 pm
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| » Stolen from Bandora |
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| What color is your soul painted? Black Your soul is painted the color black, which embodies the characteristics of modernity, formality, power, sophistication, elegance, wealth, mystery, style, anger, sadness, remorse, rebellion, loss, discord, confusion, and absorbing negativity. Black falls under the element of Earth, and symbolizes outer space and the universe, and in some cultures black represents fertility and wisdom. 
| Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
Apr. 26th, 2008 @ 10:56 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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What's Your Inner Beast? [pics]
The Werewolf: The Werewolf is the symbol for Spiritual Paths. You have the soul of a wolf inside you, which makes you warm and caring to those you love. Strengths: Protection is a number one priority, and therefore you always gaurd the ones you love and keep tight bonds with your pack mates. Loyalty is strong within yourself, and you also expect it from the ones who are close to you. Flip Side: Even though you care for those you love deeply, if they betray you, anger races through your veins. The Werewolf, despite it's warm fun-loving personality, can also stand up for itself if need be. You would have no problem hiding your anger if something sets you off balance. Congratulations! You have a Werewolf inside! pic (c) Christy Grandjean aka GoldenWolfen
Take this quiz!
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Feb. 5th, 2008 @ 09:33 pm
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| » odd happenings |
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I'm back for another entry.
Lately it seems like my senses have been enhanced. Especially receiving others' emotions. I have recently just been overwhelmed with how others are feeling. I don't know what happened. I guess my trusty wall isn't working. So now I feel 10 times of what I am supposed to be feeling. For example, today an ambulance passed by me with the sirens sounding and as it passed I just feel a big pain in my heart. Pain ran throughout my body and I was a bit disturbed by it. And for some reason my wall isn't going back up, so I'm kinda stuck. Damn. My emotions are running wild. Especially my anger. It seems that my temper comes to be more quick than usual. I will figure it out eventually.
Dreams have been crazier than ever. No need for details on those.
My internet was down for a few days. I didn't know what to do with myself, lol. I never realized how many pointless shows are on t.v. Thank goddess for DVDs!
Work is work, nothing out of the norm there.
I had a falling out with a friend who is no longer a friend in my eyes.
That's all that comes to mind.
Cheers!
Jan. 26th, 2008 @ 06:14 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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The 11:11 won't stop! lol. It was actually pretty clever today what happened with it. At work we use a program on computer which shows the patients/clients checked in and what they're there for. It just so happens I'm the only petnurse available for this room and what time did they check in? 11:11. I had to laugh. Now they're just being fancy. I've tried asking what they want to tell me, I've tried clearing my mind; hell I even left the option open just for coincidences...but no. It keeps happening. No answers whatsoever lol. So I guess I just need to sit and wait with patience until I finally have an empiphony lol.
Anyway, my cat and I have really been bonding lately. He's been sweeter than ever. Giving me kisses and rubbing his face on mine, rolling over on his back so I can scratch his belly. He usually hates his belly being scratched. He's just been so friendly lately. It's been a real pleasure.
Today has been a good day, for no particular reason. And since my tarot cards have been underneath my pillow, my dreams have been very strange. A lot of tossing and turning. I'm used to strange dreams usually, but these are like intense strange. I don't really remember them when I wake up but I know from the feeling I have when I wake up that I had an active night. I think I'm dream walking without even meaning to. Also for some reason I've been wondering a lot of my past lives. I have no idea what or who I was in my past life, but my curiosity is really starting to kick in. I know I just have to meditate, but I'm still no where near that level of meditation to get that far. Shit, I can hardly even meditate without seeing strange faces.
I don't know, for once today I can finally take a deep breath and enjoy it and really be at ease. It's a great feeling. Just wish I can figure out the 11:11 thing lol.
Oh well,
Cheers!
Dec. 26th, 2007 @ 10:06 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Another 11:11 day. Bandora directed me in the right direction to help me figure it out what it was. Thank you by the way! It's pretty cool stuff. No answers to the big question yet though.
Let's see what else? Nothing is really going on at the moment. Talking to some friends. Hopefully Jen and I will hang out today.
That's about it.
Hope you're all having a nice day.
Dec. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:58 am
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| » hmmm |
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Everyday when I look at the clock I see either 11:11, 1:11 or some days I see them both....weird....
I'm going to work now.
Cheers
Dec. 20th, 2007 @ 12:37 pm
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| » Here we go |
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Still thinking about him, can't stop myself from thinking about him actually. I have no idea what or why it is going on. Stupid attraction. I only think it's stupid though when they are unavailable lol. And my mind is going crazy. Damn.
Dec. 13th, 2007 @ 11:34 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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| You're an Expert Kisser | 
You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable |
Dec. 4th, 2007 @ 10:49 pm
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| » thanksgiving recap |
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Yesterday was actually a good day. Woke up around 9:30 am with permission to drive Eric's care to my mom's in cape coral (above naples) because I don't think my car would be able to make the trip. That made me happy. I loaded the car in about half an hour and then was off to get gas then start driving up alligator alley. The trip wasn't bad. There was an accident on the way and people were going extremely slow due to rubber neck...so that was annoying to say the least. But after that the drive was smoothe and actually peaceful. I did have to go to the bathroom though and there were no rest stops for about 40 miles and i couldn't make it any longer so I stopped off at the side of the road and relieved myself in the grass, which was a funny experience. I used notebook paper to wipe lol.. After a happy bladder, the ride was very smoothe and I got to my mom's within a half hour or so.
Too be honest, I was kind of reluctant to come to my mom's because she likes to drill me with questions and do the mother guilt thing. I was kind of ready for it but I really didn't want it to come. Yet again I was surprised. My mom was very peaceful and caring and throwing jokes in the air. Then my brother got there a few hours later with his girlfriend. I enjoyed seeing them both.
The food was good, though Harry's (step father) parents were obnoxious....the father telling his repetitive stories and the mother with her competition to comparing her life with everyone elses....I just decided to ignore them for the rest of the night though.
I didn't have much time to spend with my mom since I was supposed to leave at 12pm today so my mom wanted to talk to me last night. We were having a great conversation and then Lee's girlfriend came out, which is fine because we can still talk with her there, but then Harry's mothher came out and it fell uncomfortably silent. She was boasting about some vase she got made of pure crystal or whatever so we all decided to dismiss ourselves.
The night ended well and we bidded Lee and Rachel goodbye (Lee had to work at 2am) and then we all got tired and went to bed. I slept on an air mattress which wasn't that bad...it was really comfortable actually.
My mom had been asking me to stay for a while and I really felt bad because I was enjoying my time. So I called Eric to see if I could stay one more day, if he had any change in plans to use his car. He said ok just take it one more day. So I was happy and I get to break the news to my mom and watch her face light up. I don't like letting her down so it was kind of killing me watching her plead me to stay lol.
So I checked my horoscope and the sun is in my reigning planet, Uranus, so things are going to be going my way. Also it said that today will be good for family time.
That's about it. I'm going to stay for one more day, so I have to go tell my mom now and then I think I'll drink some coffee! Take care! Happy Holidays!
Nov. 23rd, 2007 @ 10:17 am
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| » Update |
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Ok, so a lot has been going on in my life. It's been a roller coaster, actually. Eric and I haven't been doing so hot, so we broke up thursday. That was really painful for me. He has really been the only man that I have loved and still love that I still ask myself if it is real and if it really happened. Yes it did. All I hear repeating in my head is his ex saying that "it's never going to work out, she's too young and she's not good enough for you." Besides that pessimistic outlook, I am actually doing ok. Not good, but ok.
I was heartbroken, but I have come to realize, with a little help from friends and family, that it's for the better. Our relationship has been rocky for a long while and it just had to be done. Sure my fear of being alone is still hitting me on the back of my head but it's beginning to die slowly.
Work is really what has been saving me from going insane. Thank goddess I love my job, for if I didn't I'm sure I would have gone crazy. I get too busy at work to think about personal things and being able to take care of animals and cuddle and hold them in my arms just makes me more calm inside. I am one with the animals lol. (Dork)
I was supposed to be initiated this weekend, or was it last weekend? I don't know, but I didn't end up going because I didn't know anyone who was initiating me and I haven't met anyone in person.
I can't wait to get paid. As sad as it is, money runs this world. I don't expect that to change lol. Not even in the future where we get barcodes scanned on our arms lol.
I'm usually pessimistic but for some reason I know it will be okay and I'll get over this soon. Maybe if I get my head straight things will work out for Eric and I. Even though I know I shouldn't be going backwards it's still hard not to think about it.
Welp. I must go back to work now. Get that money! It feels good to be optimistic again (Even though deep down I know I'm sad) My personalities are conflicting here lol.
Oct. 16th, 2007 @ 01:27 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I haven't posted on this thing in a long time.
I have been working a lot lately. Six days in a row. I finally have my day off today, well besides school anyway, but I just got home.
School was kinda interesting. My English teacher I was expecting to be a complete and total bitch because someone told me about ratemyteachers.com and I went on it last night. Low and behold she had bad ratings for being a bitch practically. So anyway as I walk in she gives me a bit of an attitude because I was a little bit late, but as I got to my seat she started talking more and more and low and behold, she has my type of sense of humor. She wanted to make her point across that she was serious about everything, but has a pessimistic sense of humor. Which is kind of funny. Anyway, I already knew my math teacher because I had him last time, so I knew what to expect.
As I enter my math class though, my head got in a sort of daze and I really wasn't comprehending much. It was just blank staring....A LOT.
Oh well, luckily today wasn't important and I don't have to go to work.
T.J. is leaving to go back to Tallahassee today, so maybe we'll go see a movie or something. Who knows. Right now I'm enjoying the relaxation with a handful of dogs around me.
Speaking of that. I can't wait until the dogs we're watching go home. One is fine, but the other one is sooooo annoying. I am not watching them again for a long time.
Anywho, enough of that. I'm going to eat lunch now.
Aug. 21st, 2007 @ 12:56 pm
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aquattiger16's journal
